Something To Think About

What do you do when someone you love very much makes you extremely angry?  My mother used to say about that kind of situation, “That makes me so mad, I could just spit!”  I never realized how she “kept her cool” with all the things life threw at her.

My mother was a crusty, older woman most of the time that I knew her.  She came by her crustiness honestly; she was born in 1901, probably at home (that is where babies were born at that time in our history).  Saguache, Colorado, was her birth location.  She was one of a dozen children; eleven were living when I knew my mother.  There were two sets of twins; both paternal and fraternal.  My mother had a twin sister.  She had six children; five babies lived.  Again, at that time in our history, infant death was not uncommon.  I never realized how she “kept her cool” with all the things life threw at her.

I think that sister Clara and I may have a great deal of her in our DNA.  Although, I think Clara is often much calmer than I, in many situations.  Often, I will rage on about something to her, and she will say, just don’t say anything or just let it go.

So, when the incident that has me so upset occurred, I decided no letting it go.  Say something.  Say that this has disturbed me.  Tell the person to just go on about the business we had planned to do, together, and walk away.

This would not be the first time this kind of incident happened with the same person.  And, this time, it all seemed too much.  So, I unloaded and walked away.  And, now, I think (but am not sure) that I regret my explosion.

I probably said many things that I now regret saying.  Or, maybe, not.  Truth be told – I can’t even remember what was so upsetting for me.  It’s been a while.  And, yet, I know that I raged at that good person.  Told the person I was not happy with what they had done.  I don’t even know if it was a male person or a female person.  What could it possibly have been to cause me such distress?  And, yet, now I can’t even remember the situation.  What good did it do for me to lash out at the person committing the offense?

I can remember, however, a distressing situation with someone near and dear to me.  I think that incident will forever color my thinking about that person.  The situation occurred, I exploded, and, as Mom would say – that’s all she wrote.  For me, it truly destroyed our relationship.  A relationship that will never, again, be the same loving one that we had until that day.  Remembering it, today, makes me cry.  I have processed (that’s the word being used, these days – processing) the happening over and over.  And, still it comes back to the acidly, bitter occurrence.  That’s the taste it leaves in my mouth when I think about it.   Even though, I do make an effort to work it through and change my thinking, nothing seems to be working.  So, my guess is that I’ll just have to learn to live with it.

I want to make every effort to be a kind, helpful, and acceptable person.  Perhaps, though, there may be a limit to patience.

Be Safe and Be Well
The Cranky Crone
Thoughtful comments are greatly appreciated.