Watching “Sunday Morning,” the Sunday morning television show is one of the things I do on a regular basis. A few weeks ago, Mo Rocca interviewed a poet who has lived into her nineties. Ninety-four, to be exact. During the interview, Mo Rocca commented on how busy and engaged this female poet seemed to be. He asked her if she was aware that so many people in their late eighties and early nineties did not make new friends.
How, he asked her, had she been able to stay so connected and involved? It was clear to him that she is a gregarious person with many friends and is involved fully in life. She replied that it is simply something that she does – stay connected and involved.
Thinking about this, I began talking with friends about their mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles, and/or friends who have reached these ages. Many, many said that their relatives and friends refused to leave the house. They seemed to intentionally separate themselves from the world, refusing to make new friends and attachments.
Of course, from there, I began a discussion with myself to see where my life fit into this scheme of friends and attachments. You know that I’m eighty-five years old – so I think I qualify to be part of the group described by Mo Rocca. Late eighties and early nineties. I examined my last month. Here is what I’ve found.
About a month ago, I met Doris and her son Dan. At our chiropractor’s office. I learned that, years ago, she moved from New York to my state with her photographer husband. I decided almost immediately that here is a person I want to know. Her husband was an industrial photographer for Manville Corporation, working out of the Deer Creek Canyon building. Deer Creek Canyon with deer, coyotes, and eagles. We spent so much time talking with each other in our doc’s office that Robin, the office manager, joked that she would need to set aside a room for conversation with soft chairs and a coffee maker!
One week led to another. Doris, Dan, and I went to lunch which gave us an opportunity to learn more about each other. As it turns out, I also worked at Manville at the same time her husband was there. Of course, we had had no opportunity to meet, since I worked in the insurance department and he worked – well, I don’t know where.
We have continued our regular meetings at our chiropractor’s office. We’ve learned that our cardiologist is the same. She’s Irish. I’m Irish. We like the same kinds of food for lunch. It is surely a small, connected world. My life will be enriched by knowing Doris and her son.
At the market a few weeks ago, I was dutifully shopping for groceries. An older lady (not as old as I) was pushing her cart, gathering her own list of food stuff. She was wearing a bright, jump-off-the-wall pink top. My favorite color in the whole world is pink – Opera, to be exact – it sparkles because of the fish scale in it. So, I complimented the shopper on her wonderful, pink top. Her reply got me to thinking – more. She thanked me and said, “I love to wear this top. When I do, it makes me feel so alive!”
As I was finishing my shopping, I thought about this lady and her comment, “…When I do, it makes me feel so alive!” I thought, she might have walked through the entire shopping event, talked with no one, had her groceries checked out, and gone to the car without any conversation with any one. What, I wondered, does that feel like? Is there some little something we can say to another person – a stranger – that may brighten his or her day? Make them feel more a part of their community? Make them feel alive!”
So, I’ve decided that each time I leave my house – and I do leave my house as often as I need to – I will endeavor to speak to at least one person in whatever environment I find myself. I will compliment them on something. I will wish them a happy day. I will open a door for someone and say something pleasant aabout their day. I will endeavor to make their day a bit better. And, at the same time, improve mine, even just a little bit. It may turn into a new relationship like the one I’m hoping with Doris and Dan. Or, not.
My hope is that you may find the time and inclination to give a little of yourself and make someone’s day better. Make them feel alive!
Be Safe and Be Well
The Cranky Crone
Thoughtful comments are appreciated.
6 replies on “Making Friends”
Mom, I could never see you as one of those older folks who don’t go out and meet people. You’ve always been that way.
I get that from you. I find myself talking with strangers on a regular basis, and sometimes my children roll their eyes at me. But, they do it too; it’s generational.
Thanks for the kind words. Just remember, kids will roll their eyes at the drop of a hat!
I absolutely LOVE this! It is the heart of our survival as a ‘species’. Connecting with other people in a positive way let’s them know they matter and makes them feel good … and can encourage them to be brave and, in turn, reach out to others. And so on and so on. Thank you for writing this, my friend!
Making friends has become a challenge for people of many ages, especially as we spend more time online or watching TV and not in activities with other people. It takes initiative–and a willingness to risk rejection–to start a conversation with someone new. Some find it easy, but many of us find it hard. And we often stop short of following up on that conversation to make something happen or of keeping up the effort to sustain the friendship. I’m glad you’ve been able to do those things.
I’m having a hard time making new friends here in Flagstaff. First the pandemic, which didn’t help matters, then most of the people I’ve met are married and live only part of the year here. I went to the senior center a couple times, but it didn’t feel like the people were there to socialize. Going to try that again. I’ve started volunteering as an usher/concessions person at our community theater. Maybe I’ll make a friend there? I’m going to keep trying. I live for my visits to Denver to see my longtime friends, but that becomes less sustainable the older I get. 13 hours in the car by myself is no fun. Good luck with Doris and I’m proud of you for being more extroverted
Keep trying, Love. The theater volunteering should help. Maybe, getting coffee at a coffee shop, might also give you an avenue. Or, even in your doc’s office. Maybe, someone there would be more amendable to conversation, etc. I also wish you could come here more often. I really miss you! M