I used to say, “I am a child of God, a wife and mother , and an educator.” My life is so much more, now. A child of God – yes. A widow and mother with two living daughters (one daughter’s life was taken by a brain tumor), a mother-in-law, and a grandmother of two girls – young women, actually; Grand #1, red haired like her mother, a math whiz, a poet, and musician; Grand #2, brown hair like her father’s, also a poet, musician, and a computer whiz. A sister (we’re the last two of our generation); and, an aunt of some relatives I don’t even know. I realized the other day that this makes me the matriarch of my family. I am an educator – still. But more, much more.
I am an artist of watercolor, of creating books, of making found-object pictures. At one point while working with mentors, two of them said to me, “You are an abstract expressionist. Get over it.” I thought, if I’m going to be an abstract expressionist, I’d better find out what I am. So, I studied and studied and discovered that, indeed, I am an abstract expressionist. One of the paintings I completed, dated 1979, appears to be the first truly abstract expressionistic painting I ever accomplished. So, while I am able to draw a house that looks like a house and a chair that looks like a chair, my preference is definitely abstract expressionism. Color is my joy. When painting, I’m happiest when I’m working only with color and shape. Paul Klee said, “Color possesses me. I don’t have to pursue it. It will possess me always, I know it. That is the meaning of this happy hour: Color and I are one. I am a painter.” When the opportunity presents, I go to the Art Museum to see the exhibits there; such as the show of women’s work, women who are or were, themselves, abstract expressionists. My all time favorite show there was “Color As Field.” Male and female abstract expressionists’ work; I wanted to go home, get my sleeping bag, and take up residence in the corner of that exhibit.
I am a volunteer for many organizations. After spending twenty odd years volunteering at the Conference Center, I’ve volunteered at the Dinosaur Ridge, putting rocks into boxes so they could be sold in the gift shop. As a collector of rocks and minerals, I belong to the Denver Gem and Mineral Guild (DGMG). For a while, I served as secretary for that club.
I serve as the volunteer secretary for the retired teachers’ organization in my area, which is associated with the state association: I sat on the state board of that organization for my county. As a school superintendent in a district in the eastern part of my state, I became a member of Lions International. Then, I worked at a national computer company, and belonged to the Lions Club in that area. I lost touch with the Lions organization for many years, but found them, again and joined the Highland Ranch Lions Club, where I served for a while as secretary.
I’m a collector of depression glass; the Glass Society holds my interest as it did for that of my late husband – I served that organization as the secretary, as well. I love Westmoreland Glass, all-glass ink writing instruments, paperweights, teapots. I enjoy going to markets where I can enjoy seeing these antique objects and wish. And, of course, I love rocks – lots and lots of rocks. When friends travel anywhere in the world, I always ask them to “bring me a rock,” a rock of about two inches in diameter. And, they do. My rock collection includes specimens from many locations in the United States, Germany, India, Mexico, Korea, China, Australia, New Zealand, Canada, Aix-en-Provence (from Paul Gauguin’s home), and a piece from Uganda.
I am a collector of living creatures. Darkling beetles and ant lions are two of my favorite creatures. Darkling beetles live through the summer, usually dying when late autumn and the winter months arrive. Ant lions (some people call them doodle bugs) live underground, waiting for some unsuspecting creature (an ant or other insect) to fall into their funnel home. These have to be the most patient of any animal I know. They must wait and wait for their meals. I usually have ant lions in my home.
When the ant lion has decided it is time to change, they stop making their inverted funnel and rest (apparently). Within a short period of time, they emerge from their changing room to be beautiful, gossamer-winged, dragonfly-like creatures. When I have them in the summer, I always set them free at my back door. During the winter, I leave them in the cage. They seem to be hermaphrodites – animals that are capable of reproducing by themselves, with the ability to create the next generation of ant lions. A short time after all of the large funnels disappeared, tiny funnels began to show up, and I know I have the next generation of ant lions. I purchase the tiniest meal worms I can find and start feeding the new generation.
Some years ago after returning from New Mexico, three darkling beetles lived in a cage on my kitchen counter. People may call them “stink bugs.” They lived for more than a year, which means they outlived most of their relatives by many months. When they lived with me, their diet consisted of Cheerios, tiny dog food pellets, fish flakes, and fruits and vegetables; they got some different ones every week. They also got celery, apple, tomato, orange, grapefruit, grape, and peanuts. They seemed happy and contented; the only way I knew this is that they didn’t put their butts into the air when disturbed (butt in the air spraying some scent is their only protective weapon). Darkling beetles don’t change or morph into some other creature like the ant lions do.
I love to drive, and I loved (yes, loved) my car, which was a 1994 Suburban with a 1500 engine. Her former owner was my garage man who took care of my Oldsmobiles, and when my last Olds gave up the ghost, I bought her from him. She was white and could carry most of my household goods inside. Well, actually, she did carry everything inside that I needed to take with me for the twelve-to-fourteen weeks I spent at the ranch, every summer, volunteering with the watercolorist-in-residence. She, my car, carried clothes, books, watercolor paints and papers, my computer, DVDs (there is no easy television reception at the ranch), food, toilet paper and paper towels, and the accounting paperwork that I needed to keep this family’s bills paid and other communications alive. After arriving at the ranch, all of that had to be transferred into my Scamp trailer, where I would spend all of the weeks, working until it was time to return to my home. Sadly, those volunteer days are over, and it’s on to new experiences in volunteerism. Also, sadly, my Suburban is gone. In her place, is a 2002 Tahoe. I’ve learned to love her just as much as I loved the Suburban.
Some of my time is consumed by visiting physicians. I have a primary care physician who absolutely knows everything. He is the true coordinator of my health, which I have delegated, in part, to him. I believe that we are in charge of our own health, delegating parts of that responsibility to others. Of course, at my age, we often have medical afflictions; still, I think that I am in charge of my health. With all of this, I strive to be as healthy as possible because I think I still have a lot of things left to do in my life.
Because I am who I am, there are many, many other activities that I fulfill. I own a house. I’ve had many dogs, especially schnauzers; however, I don’t think I will have another little friend. I do have frequent visits from Kate (Border Collie) and Paisley (Australian Shepherd) to keep me company while their moms and dads are out of town.
There was a time when I cooked as rarely as possible; I’d been “cooking” for almost sixty years. Now … I really can cook – occasionally. Cooking for one isn’t really much fun; but, truth be told, I really enjoy cooking for crowds. Time was that on Independence Day you would find upwards of sixty people in our backyard for the holiday dinner. I did the basic cooking and loved it. Guests would contribute side dishes.
I do the washing and drying of the laundry; or, rather, I put the clothes into the washer, transfer them to the dryer, and hang and fold them when they are finished. I don’t like to go clothes shopping – I don’t enjoy the putting on and taking off. I make sure the Tahoe is serviced. I pay the bills. I argue with the medical people about who is to be charged and no, I am not responsible for the charges. Why do they think I have insurance?
I am certainly a reflection of what I am, and I do much more than is written about here. I am, in all probability, always the oldest person in the room. Old enough to be other people’s grandmother. I’ve decided that if, for the rest of my life, I’m going to be a picture book writer and a poet, I’d better get my act in gear and get some of these many stories and many, many poems sent out to publishers.
So, here I am. What you see is what you get, and I hope it satisfies.
Be Safe and Be Well
The Cranky Crone
Thoughtful comments are appreciated.